I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
