What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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