Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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