He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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