OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
