you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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