I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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