omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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