I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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