He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
