Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
