we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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