Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize