watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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