She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
