Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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