Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
