if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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