I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
