Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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