every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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