i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
