I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
