we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
