You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
