I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
