It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
