I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
