all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize