i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
