do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
being pregnant is like rehab
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
