You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize