i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
