She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
