Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
