I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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