So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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