wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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