I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
