our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
