You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
