Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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