I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
