please come you make the beer taste better
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
