New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
