Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
