Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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