it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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