These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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