He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
