Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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