bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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