Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
