Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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