I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
