OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
