my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
