You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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