U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
