also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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