I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
