I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
