just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
