Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
