I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
