I cockslap morals
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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