If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
